Life Update (Because it’s time!)

This is the hardest, scariest blog post I have ever had to write.

Even more so than the blog post I wrote sharing my breast augmentation experience… which I’ll be honest I can’t even go back and read. But if YOU want to, you can totally check out that post here. Yay for boob jobs! 😉

If you have been following me on Instagram, you might have noticed things in my life have changed. And I have talked about it a little bit here on the blog, but today I am setting the record straight and clearing up any confusion. And I know it is confusing! While it looks like I moved, the houses look kind of the same (all white, same furniture) so did I move? Where did my husband go? Who are these guys in my Stories? Or maybe you haven’t noticed, so in that case grab your wine and join me. 🙂

I’ll just cut to the chase. As I am sure you already guessed, my husband and I are getting a divorce. Through our marriage, we had our ups and downs like any marriage. Although our lows were really low. I especially wanted to make the marriage work because there is more than just Chad and me involved. We have a six year old son together Max. My own parents divorced when I was twelve, and when I got married I was adamant that I wouldn’t do the same. I think we all go into marriage not expecting that to be the outcome. The last thing I wanted was my own son to come from a broken home, going back and forth between two households.

I also have my stepdaughter Lily who I have been in her life since she was three. She is my ex’s daughter from his previous marriage. As a side note, I also get questions on why my daughter isn’t in my pics so I thought I’d address that quickly here. Because she isn’t my daughter, I did that our of respect for her mom and her privacy. Unless it was family photos or something like that. 🙂

It was especially hard having this quiet struggle and maintaining my job on social media. I felt like I was living a lie acting like everything was perfect when it wasn’t. And to make matters even more confusing and gray, I booked a series of collaborations where I was contracted to have my husband appear with me in the images. I was under a contractual obligation to post these pictures of us together and happy even though we were already separated. And my contract requires that I keep these photos up for a certain period of time which can be 1-2 years.

I am a no BS kind of person. I say things how they are. I am honest and blunt. It’s hard for me to live a life where I can’t lay everything out on the table. If you talk to me in person, you can see every emotion on my face. So it has been a major struggle to move out and not come right out and say what happened. Max and I moved out four months ago. I’ll be honest as soon as I moved, I planned to shoot photos in my new kitchen and make a big announcement. Because I just wanted to come out and say the truth and be done with it, but the timing was obviously WAY too soon and I didn’t have the words or know what to say.

My job is in social media, and I am supposed to let people in and see what’s going on in my life, but when you go through something so big like this it’s hard to know exactly how to handle it. I finally feel in a place of peace where I feel comfortable about sharing what I am going through, and it feels right.

I don’t hear a lot about divorces or break-up’s in my social media, but we know it is extremely common so it is happening behind closed doors like mine. I never thought that this would happen to me… that I would be a single mom. I am hoping by coming out and sharing my story (as much as I can out of respect for everybody involved) that I can help someone who may be struggling with the same situation. For the longest time, I felt really alone and didn’t know what to do. I just felt stuck, and it was the worst feeling.

I have an amazing support system of family and friends (and a bomb therapist haha). I truly couldn’t have made this leap without them. I wake up feeling extremely grateful to be where I am and feel like I have been given a second chance at life. As cheesy as that sounds!

I hope that clears up the confusion. Or if I have been MIA for chunks of time. Max and I are still settling into our new life. If you are going through anything similar or have any questions, feel free to comment here, email me, or privately message me on Instagram. I am here for you! xx

{photos by KSTU Photography}